Always
by Katana Sundancer
Summary: Jack's thoughts after Affinity... Songfic, based on Bon Jovi's 'Always'. I own nothing but imagination.


_**Always**_

Jack rubbed his face wearily. Why did she have to do this to him? Why did she ask _him_ what to do, when she had obviously moved on with this Pete Shenanigans?

He pulled a beer from his fridge. What did she see in the guy anyway? He'd _stalked _her and got himself shot, for Pete's sake. Okay, no pun intended. She was way, _way_ too good for him - for any _him._

_This Romeo is bleeding _

_But you can't see his blood_

_It's nothing but some feelings _

_That this old dog kicked up_

He'd thought they had an understanding, an unspoken agreement. But who was he to expect such a brilliant young woman to wait forever for a broken-down soldier like him? Shanahan could at least offer her a life; husband, 2.4 children, dog and a white picket fence.

_It's been raining since you left me_

_Now I'm drowning in the flood_

_See I've always been a fighter_

_But without you I give up_

Since she'd first mentioned Shanahan, all the feelings he'd ever felt towards her had rushed to the foreground, until it almost overwhelmed him. It was almost ironic - that the military was the only thing keeping them apart and yet, now that she was with someone else, the Stargate meant less than it ever did before.

_Now I can't sing a love song_

_Like the way it's meant to be_

_I guess I'm not that good anymore_

_But baby that's just me_

He'd never been a romantic and his words never, _ever_ came out right. Once that hadn't mattered. But a cranky old colonel with a bum knee and a lame sense of humour was no great catch. She was.

_Yeah I will love you baby_

_Always_

_And I'll be there forever and a day_

_Always_

_I'll be there till the stars don't shine_

_Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme_

_And when I die, you'll be on my mind_

_And I'll love you_

_Always_

He stared at the photos he had around his living room. Group shots of SG-1 in their fatigues; at a party of Janet's where Daniel had gotten well-and-truly drunk and had insisted on showing everybody his appendix scar; Teal'c chowing down on a Big Mac; one of Sam by Daniel's death bed before he Ascended - and one of himself and his major in the commissary, debating the merits of red vs blue jello. Neither had been aware of the camera and both had relaxed smiles on their faces, even as Sam waved a spoonful of jello in his face. The anonymous photographer had captured on film one of the rare moments in which they could both forget the rules and regulations. But what had changed?

_Now your pictures there that you left behind_

_Are just memories of a different life_

_Some that made us laugh_

_Some that made us cry_

_One that made you have to say goodbye_

He longed to be able to show her how he felt, in all the little ways that would make her blue eyes light up with happiness. Maybe he should have given up this Stargate business years ago.

_What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair_

_To touch your lips_

_To hold you near_

_When you say your prayers try to understand_

_I've made mistakes_

_I'm just a man_

What really twisted the knife in his guts was the fact that Pete was given the privilege and honour of embracing her, kissing her, telling her what Jack had never been allowed to say.

_When he holds you close_

_When he pulls you near_

_When he says the words you've been needing to hear_

_I'll wish I was him_

_That those words were mine_

_To say to you_

_Till the end of time_

_Yeah I will love you baby_

_Always_

_And I'll be there forever and a day_

_Always_

_I'll be there till the stars don't shine_

_Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme_

_And when I die, you'll be on my mind_

_And I'll love you_

_Always_

She was the beauty in his life and never could he allow her to die while there was still breath in his body.

_If you told me to cry for you, I could_

_If you told me to die for you, I would_

_Take a look at my face_

_There's no price I won't pay_

_To say these words to you_

If only he dared to tell her; he could forget about the military and she could forget her doohickeys and they'd disappear to his cabin in Minnesota.

_Well there ain't no love_

_And he'll slowly die_

_But baby if you give me just one more try_

_We can pack our old dreams and our old lives_

_We'll find a place where the sun still shines_

He could never forget his feelings for her, but he could pray that she would be happy - and vow to always be there for her if Shenanigans ever hurt her. He was hers...

_Yeah I will love you baby_

_Always_

_And I'll be there forever and a day_

_Always_

_I'll be there till the stars don't shine_

_Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme_

_And when I die, you'll be on my mind_

_And I'll love you_

_Always_

...always.


End file.
